Valuable Guide to Surviving the Crypto Apocalypse

This is probably the end.

All stats turn red, the colors of despair and capitulation.


If you’re here, I think it’s because you’ve ignored all the advice, from your uncle and maybe even your inner voice calling you to invest moderately. Maybe, like me, you haven’t done your own research, and all those candles on the map ended up burning in your head. And your mind, color blind under the influence of emotion, did not distinguish green from red: you just invested. Very much. More than you can afford to lose.

If I tell you about it so easily, it’s because I know how it goes.

So between crypto swords – or if you don’t like English, let’s say crypto-crazy if you like – between crypto swords, we have to support each other. And that is why I am writing to you. And I hope you see that you’ve been screwed too. It is very therapeutic to recognize it. In fact, it’s the first step in healing (or so it seems).

You see, I also lost in cryptocurrencies. Very. Guess what ? I’m still alive. Even more alive than ever. So I know where you are now and trust my experience, you are not going to die. I know how not to die. How to make sure that when the dust settles, you’re still standing.

It’s a step-by-step process.

Because in moments like this there is no room for explanation. In other words, you will listen and survive. Or you don’t, and you don’t survive. You’d think that’s a bit far-fetched, but you’d be wrong.

You see, experts and very important websites are telling you to be scared because all stats are gray or black or red…or even hell.

So let’s get to it, how we can literally survive the crypto apocalypse. In 5 easy to follow steps.

Step 1. Food and water.

We must therefore continue to guarantee the vital functions first of all. When the times are apocalyptic as they are now (the price of all cryptocurrencies is still at an all-time low and promises to fall even further), it requires doomsdays. If you think I’m kidding, go ahead, get out of here like those idiots did in boom 2017 and bust 2018. It wasn’t pretty, I’m telling you, in 2017 and 2018: 200 billion cryptocurrencies thrown into the fire, like that.

And so, I tell you, you must eat. Food is the key. Because dying is pointless. Those who died in 2017 didn’t think that bitcoin would rise to 69,000 holy dollars in November 2021. You have to eat. And I know it’s not easy when you have nothing left, with this capitulation (the word capitulation, you see, it comes from hood, which means the head; capitulation tends to mess up your brain, I speak to you from experience.)

And you need to stay hydrated. It’s crucial.

An adjustable bath contains about 300 liters. Come on, fill me in. And dive in, it feels good. I will also recommend bottled water, but now is not the time, with all this hustle and bustle, to look for the holy bottle of Norwegian luxury.

Grab what you can and as long as the power is still connected you can still boil rainwater.

Step 2. Weapons and Security

Once you have enough water and canned goods, you need to equip yourself.

If you don’t have any weapons or live in a town where you are treated like a child, it’s best to find weapons as soon as possible. Baseball bat, golf club, tire iron. What nonsense.

Step 3. Shelter and warmth

There is no Metaverse or Pixelated Earth that can keep you warm and protected. No it’s wrong. It’s as real as can be. If you live in a college dorm, roommate, or any other place where there’s even a slim chance of HODLERS, Apes, Degens, or anyone else associated with a crypto subculture, get out now!

You’ll never know until it’s too late.

I’ve seen that before. The quiet kid in the hallway, who stays alone and plays video games? What you don’t know is that this kid hasn’t slept in days, he’s been staring nonstop at red screens of death for hours on end, his shirt is covered in microwaved macaroni and cheese from the past few days, Mountain Dew pours through his veins and watches his life fall apart. It could explode at any moment and you don’t want to be there when it happens. Believe me.

If you’re in a city, it’s usually a good idea to get out, unless of course you can secure and protect the entire perimeter, including top to bottom.

Get out of the city now, before it gets overrun and ravaged! And don’t go to sea. The whales, you remember the whales that have gathered and start asking themselves questions! I repeat, do not go to sea.

Step 4. Positive Thinking

Positivity has passed with Justin Bieber, Oprah Winfrey and others. Will Smith has been working on it recently, I’m told. It will work for you too. You just have to believe that you will be better off and you have to stop whining. What’s done is done, what’s lost is lost.

A few things I learned from my good friend Jocko Willink (Navy Seal) is that pushups are a depressed person’s best friend. Try to do a hundred push-ups. The blood circulates, the sweat flows, you feel alive.

Breathe, slowly. Take a deep breath. Give yourself time, philosophize. Practice mindful meditation and all that stuff. Don’t be afraid to face yourself. Your cryptos have collapsed and not you. So shave that shaggy beard. Think of your neighbor who may think you are a bum trying to break into the building.

Don’t be afraid to open up to people you trust. And above all, don’t pull this funeral face. You still survived the COVID pandemic. There were a thousand small deaths you could have died from. But you still stand.

Of course this is all satire. It is inspired by all those people who say that the current sluggishness of the cryptocurrency markets is preparing us for a real crypto apocalypse.

Source: Freely adapted from

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Luc Jose Adjinacou

Far from dampening my enthusiasm, a failed cryptocurrency investment in 2017 has only heightened my enthusiasm. I therefore decided to study and understand the blockchain and its many applications and to pass on information about this ecosystem with my pen.

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